This is something I’ve seen over and over again whenever the topic of meeting women comes up: the plight of the guys who supposedly have been mislabeled as “creepers” when in reality they’re just socially awkward and we should all be giving them a break, maaaan. Or maybe she should just teach him what he did was wrong! Almost everyone has been creeped out by someone out only to be told “Aw, he means well. ” There’s tremendous social pressure to look the other way, to “give him a second chance”.All too often, we hear that someone who’s socially awkward should get a pass because, hey, he doesn’t know that he’s doing something wrong! Sure, he stands too close, ignores signs that people don’t want to talk to him, keeps trying to give women massages and says incredibly inappropriate things to women at the drop of a hat… He just doesn’t know any better,” or “Hey, he’s a nice guy! Let’s run down just what makes someone creepy again: That second one is incredibly important and forms a critical distinction: creepers and predators will frequently push against people’s boundaries in order to see what they can get away with.
They don’t argue that the other person is obligated to forgive him, to give him a second chance or otherwise pretend that the awkwardness just didn’t happen.
Creepers and predators It becomes a way of isolating somebody from potential allies and tricking others – people who might otherwise object to his bad behavior and assist his target – into being complicit in his actions.
After getting her name from a mutual friend, he tracked her down on Facebook and proceeded to attempt to woo her… After reading him the riot act, the worker put his conversation up online to equal parts applause for telling off a creepy guy with stalker-ish tendencies and prompting many others to excoriate her for – wait for it – not giving him a chance because he’s just a little awkward.
After all, it’s not like she didn’t tell him to doesn’t respond until the next day, 2/18 …
Now, often when dealing with stories about why this woman or the other didn’t “tell him no”, we will see people say that it’s impossible for a guy to realize he’s being refused because she didn’t say the magic words.
In fact, returning to the story of Fedora Beard, we see this in the commentary on the blogs that reported the story – she didn’t say “go away”, therefore how could he have known he was unwelcome? This is creepy behavior being excused as “socially awkward”. Can you imagine why this argument isn’t going to go over well with women? He may have said things that are creepy, violated her personal space, followed her when she was trying to leave the conversation and otherwise ignored signs that she was uncomfortable…
And this is where excusing creepy behavior as “just being awkward” gets especially insidious. well, most of college, honestly, was one long cringe-fest of not knowing how to talk to people, saying the wrong thing at the worst time and generally flailing around making things worse. You can almost always track the exact moment they realize that they’ve done something wrong by the way they desperately try to backtrack, apologize and generally try to reassure the other person that they didn’t mean to and they’re see? Or turning it around and making it about the person whose boundaries they just blew past.
At this point, you’re probably wondering why I’m beating up on the socially awkward. I actually have a of sympathy for people who get nervous dealing with others, who may be socially inexperienced, or who otherwise have problems interacting with people. They don’t rely on social pressure – either through making a scene or through other people justifying their actions for them – to make the other person submit to their demands.
They may not be used to social norms, have a hard time keeping the conversation flowing naturally, or get nervous and say the wrong thing at the worst possible time.