The Mister Cee “scandal” sheds light on society’s ignorance, similarly exhibited when Chris Brown, Chingy and Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson took photos with trans women; similarly exhibited when folks gender-policed Joseline Hernandez to the point where she Tweeted a nude photo to prove her cis-ness; similarly exhibited when Eddie Murphy, LL Cool J and a list of other powerful men were accused of being “caught” seeking trans women. When I was a girl finding myself, I was met with similar questions and believed I would never find someone to love me.
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Instead, we shame men who have this desire, from the boyfriends, cheaters and “chasers” to the “trade,” clients, and pornography admirers.
We tell men to keep their attraction to trans women secret, to limit it to the internet, frame it as a passing fetish or transaction.
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He recognized me as a woman, and my being trans did not negate my womanhood. Don’t get me wrong, I see our loving partnership as a blessing, but not in the same way others view it.
Our relationship is marveled at largely because most people do not believe that a man like Aaron should have to “compromise” his heteronormative social standing by being with a trans woman or a woman who is not “real.” It is rare for an openly trans woman – no matter how “passable” or attractive she is – to have a man who openly loves her, who has an unabashed desire to be seen with her, who proudly stands beside her — despite the stigma and other people’s curiosities and inappropriate questions.
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A man’s desire for my body, my brain, my brilliance and my existence is not a laughing matter because I am not a joke.